Pet Peeves

Okay...this has been a long time coming, but here are a few of my pet peeves, in no particular order:
When traffic is narrowing from two lanes to one and people stay in the lane that is closing until the last possible moment, THEN try to merge...I also don't like it when people reward them by letting them in.
When people are telling you about something that happened sometime and try to remember which day, "On Tuesday, or was it Monday....Sunday? No, I think it was Tuesday.." IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! Just tell me the story and what happened, okay?
Not flushing toilets after use, ..especially urinals. Why do you want to leave your "leftovers" for the next person to see and smell. This is why technology has had to resort to those toilets that flush themselves after you're done. I'm assuming that men are worse than men on this, but I have nothing to base this on...
Bad spelling. No excuse for it, and spellcheck doesn't help if you misspell the word and it's still a word. Typo's...okay, some leeway. But I have receive official Government documents riddled with spelling errors. These documents (trust me) have been seen by AT LEAST three people, and probably more, before they are posted.
When people, while driving, are in the right lane while you are trying to enter the freeway, and they won't move over and let you on...There's no one in the next lane, Bubba, scoot over!
When people hit the on ramp going a blinding 35 mph and don't accelerate to merge into traffic. It's called an "acceleration lane" for a reason, Missy. (why, yes, I was on the road a lot yesterday, why do you ask?)
That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure something else will piss me off soon...


...didn't take long...The "Express Lane" at Wal-Mart: The "people with more than 20 items, but can't count" problem seems to have been taken care of...but a NEW irritant has emerged: FRIEND OF THE CASHIER! They're either done with their purchase, or haven't started, but they just HAVE to "catch up" while I'm in line behind them...the worst offenders? OTHER WAL-MART EMPLOYEES - either on- or off-duty, they haven't seen this particular cashier in the past 15 minutes or so, and just have to update the cashier on their life in that time span.

...sorry for the negativity today, but I yam what I yam...

Epilogue

I lost...I lost. In the battle between me, the kids and the house, I lost...badly. I now have the utmost respect for Cathy and all single parents. The kids, I can handle. The housework, I can handle. Put them together, though, and they form a formidable force. One that hits from all sides, tossing you, like the waves on the ocean toss a buoy, until you're so tired, you'll agree to anything...and these are good kids! I can't heap enough praise on those who do this every day and make it work.

From Bachelorhood to Single Parenthood

The girls returned, not much worse for wear and tear. Two days of that necessary evil I call "work" and then Cathy left last night for a Mary Kay bachelorette part....errr...seminar in Dallas. So far, Sara's feeding pump "went to beepin'" three times during the night...and (I really am getting old) I "slept in" until 7:45...party animal that I am.
This week should prove to be one of two things: the re-appearance of the "White Tornado" that once was my househusbandly self - or - the return to childhood and playing with dollies and make-up with the girls and do just enough housework to keep the rodentia away. A mix of the two would be optimal, and I hope it works out that way.
Apropos of nothing, the song, "Sweet Victory" from the "Squidward's Band" episode of Spongebob Squarepants is from the voice of the one-time lead singer of the 80's cheese-metal band, Giuffria, David Glen Eisley (I knew I recognized that voice). Isn't this kind of information what the internet was created for?
....well, that was going to be it, until I started listening to my girls as they play with their Barbies (trademark-thingie inserted here). Apparently, one of them is a single mother who is marrying someone, that the daughter doesn't like, because "it's what's best for the family". (taken pretty much from the movie "Nanny McPhee"). I watched that movie with them (a little cute, a lot creepy) and I really just thought, "well that wasn't so bad (happy ending for all, of course). But what they (the girls) got out of it was more of a socio-economic lesson than I would've ever imagined. Always interesting to see the world through a child's eyes.

Bachelorhood Redux

Well, this morning, the girls left for Colorado with "Granny Sharon", Cathy's mom (one of the sweetest people I know). They will be gone for a whole week, leaving me here with two dogs and a fish..........the silence is deafening. I keep waiting to hear,"Daddy!" or "hey, Bear" or "Ouch! Stop it!"...but nothing. I have been alone in the house for a weekend before, and the first hour or so is sheer bliss...until that one moment when it really hits me that they're not here...and I truly miss them for the first time...and something deep inside yearns....until I realize that I have sole control of the television! Seriously, though, it's going to be a long week.

My New Favorite Quote

"Absurdity is the only reality"
- Frank Zappa -

Seems to fit the times, don't you think?

Tradition!

I watched the musical "Fiddler on the Roof" for the first time in a long time last night. It was the first time I'd watched it since I've had kids. It made me see it in a whole new light. It's the story of a poor Jewish man living in a village in Tsarist Russia (in the early 1900's, maybe?) trying to eke out a meager living, balancing his religious faith, his cultural traditions, and his desire to see his 5 daughters happy. As a parent, I watched as he struggled between his traditional beliefs and mores and the changing world around him. I had been in a bit of a struggle myself, of late. It was becoming a major struggle to get up and go to work everyday, as it was a meaningless series of motions I went through, without any real significance to it. But, as Tevye, the main character in the movie, said, "but look at my daughter's eyes". I did, and remembered that it's all for them, all of it.

The ugly truth

It's always interesting to me that you don't realize how much you use a part of your body until it is unavailable for use for awhile. Now, I'm right-handed, so I figured that elbow surgery on my LEFT elbow wouldn't inconvenience me that much...I was wrong.

...and Ike arrives.

Please give a warm welcome to the newest addition to the Wichita Falls Lites clan: Ike, the Betta fish. He was obtained at PetCo, where he was one of the only ones that didn't have fungus growing on him. The last one was procured from WalMart, where none of the fish had fungus growing on them. Discuss.

Klaus Passes

Klaus Lites, our family fish, passed away peacefully last night between 8-9 o'clock. He died as he lived, a quiet reminder of the fragility of life itself. He was buried, with full honors, in the front yard. In lieu of donations to the family, please donate a few minutes of your time to your pet, whoever they be.
Peace.

Kenmore Blues

Okay...so, the refrigerator was making a really loud grinding noise, and the contents were warming considerably. Called "the guy", who came out and said something to the effect of. "Well, it might go out tomorrow, it might keep working for another 14 years" (we've had the unit for 14 years with no problems). It's just a noise, and it does still work...let it lie.
Flash forward to yesterday morning, when I go in and pull out a warm Diet Coke (unpaid endorsement)...from the fridge. Check the freezer: everything's melting. Transfer contents of freezer to deep freeze (in the garage). Transfer contents of fridge to the now-vacant freezer. It's Saturday - "the guy" is not in. Check with another "guy", who is willing to come out, but must bring his kids - no problem. Allison and Sara are good hostesses. That "guy" arrives, opens everything up and pulls everything out, says that the defroster (pronounced, DE-froster, not deFROSter) is not functioning, but that it's probably because the compressor is going out. Fixing it will cost as much as a new one. Recommends buying a new one - recommends buying one at Lowe's.
We go to Lowe's, last night, to purchase said appliance. Locate the one we want and arrange for Monday delivery. $1500 later, we have a new fridge. We go home, satisfied in the knowledge that this week's major crisis will be over soon. The new fridge has the water and ice in the door, which the girls just LOVE! If it doesn't cool, it's under warranty, which I just LOVE!
Sitting at home last night, preparing the girls for bed...go to the fridge for a Diet Coke (another unpaid endorsement), readying myself to drink a warm beverage...but wait - it's cold! The whole fridge is cold! It's working!...wait....oh, no...the freezer. I open the freezer to find frozen milk, orange juice, bologna, frozen cheese, frozen yogurt (NOT the kind you get a Braums).
The lesson here - take time to talk to your appliances. Take stuff out, take stuff apart. Pet them, coo to them - or they may stop working until SOMEone gives them the attention they desire. And it just might cost you $15oo.oo.

Here we go...

Well, I said we'd never do it, but it's done...we have a fish. My experience with fish involves a lot of them being "buried at sea" if you know what I mean. Still, Allison has just been dying for one. We were in Wal-Mart, and I happened to look over at the Betta fish. I asked "the guy" how low-maintenance they were, and it really sounded reasonable. They live in tap water, with some chemicals added, and are only fed every few days. Now, keep in mind that my experience with Betta fish is hearing about guys in college buying two of them and having them fight to the death, in front of a few entertainment-starved slackers on a Friday night. From this, I determined that, if a college guy could keep one alive long enough to fight, maybe we could keep one alive for longer...so I caved and said, "I think we could do this, it doesn't look very complicated...no filters, no pumps, change 1/3 of water every few days...how hard could it be? So Cathy takes Allison to Wal-Mart last night and gets a very pretty maroon-purple-blue looking guy. He's already had two names (which, if you know our family, is really pretty unremarkable): Bill, then Klaus (pronounced, "clouse", rhymes with "mouse"). She keeps talking about wanting to, "play with" Klaus, at which point I have to remind her that fish are pretty much just living decoration for your home. We'll see. He survived the night, so now I only have to wait until Sara wants, "her own" fish. Give them an inch...

A new game for a new generation

...as I may have already told some of you, the girls and I have started a little game that we play, off and on throughout the day. We are an office. I am the boss, Mr. Schmelding. Sara is Johnson (just Johnson). Allison is Eichmann (just Eichmann). Cathy is our secretary/receptionist/office manager, Ms Culpepper. Certain misbehaviors on the part of Johnson and/or Eichmann may cause them to have to work through lunch, work late, and, in extreme cases, on Saturday. The TPS reports must be completed daily, and the figures must add up and please the shareholders. Of special importance are the coversheets for said TPS reports. Of course, there are no real reports, no real shareholders, etc., but we have fun. Teaching them early to work in an office environment may spur them on to greater, more creative things...(I can only hope).
When it started, Sara wanted no part of it, simply because she objected to being called, "Johnson". Similarly, Allison was not pleased with her original designation, "Snodgrass". But when we agreed on a name change for Allison, Sara came on board and I can proudly say that, as of 8:32 pm today, our stock price remains unchanged!

Memorial Day Thoughts

On this Memorial Day holiday, while it is important to remember those who have died for our country, it is also appropriate to think about how good we have it in this country. The following is an excerpt from an e-mail that was sent to me by a South African friend from high school. She lives in Port Elizabeth, South Africa:

I am not sure if you are aware about the shocking crime in our country at the moment. We have been a bit better in Port Elizabeth until about 2 year ago. We have a new breed of criminal now that feel nothing to break into your home while you are sleeping. They have absolutely no value on life.

I am getting to the end of my tether with the crime in our beautiful country. It crept in a little to close to home on early hours of Friday morning. I'm not sure if you remember me talking about Sheena while I lived in Taiwan. She is my oldest and dearest friend still to this day. Sheena is single and therefore lives alone. She has just had major renovations done to her home. It is absolutely stunningly beautiful - looks like it belong on the pages of House and Leisure. Anyway during the early hours of Friday morning, she was shaken awake by a black man demanding "where the money was." She doesn't keep money at home so obviously didn't have large sums to give him - so the bastard just stabbed her - in her bed!!! She was able to raise the alarm (she has a very sophisticated alarm system which she failed to set when going to bed) and she phoned Carey, her sister, who lives within 5 minute drive of her.

Sheena was rushed off to hospital where she was stabilised and operated on. She spent 2 days in ICU, and I was able to see her on Saturday afternoon. She was stabbed in her neck area, in the region of her left clavicle. It was a large wound that had to have arteries and veins repaired. Yesterday, she was much better - was moved to the general ward and was able to sit up and move to the loo. She will hopefully be home tomorrow. Carey will stay with her until she is able to cope mentally and physically. The police have been marvellous (unusual with our new government...), they have sent a councillor to help her, an inspector to see her, and were at the scene at the same time as the independent alarm company. (quite miraculous really...)

The criminals broke in by lifting roof tiles and cutting holes in her ceiling. I cannot believe how brazen they were. Apparently a hole was also found in her back fence between her and her neighbours and they had set up a observation place. Sheena has a large property with an enormous back garden. She has had large fold away doors fitted to the back off her house - and doesn't have curtains etc as it is so private. She is beside herself now, wants to get curtains etc so that she can close herself in. She is understandably very freaked out as they have been watching her. They have been sitting in the dark of her back garden and monitoring her. It is so scary. Makes me want to pack up and leave like any other sensible person with half a chance.

She does have 2 dogs, 2 fiercely protective little Scotties that sleep on her bed with her. They apparently barked and performed but she didn't wake up until this man shook her. It is too bizarre. Sheena does sleep deeply - always has. Makes me wonder if they didn't let some kind of gas off or something. She remembers Aggie (the dog) jumping at this man, but he just shoved Aggie off. She may have to get a bigger fiercer dog. One thing for sure, she is definitely going to have to set her alarm more vigilantly - she is also looking at electric fencing and garden beams.

She has had large fold away doors fitted to the back of her house - and doesn't have curtains etc as it is so private. She is beside herself now, wants to get curtains etc so that she can close herself in. She is understandably very freaked out as they have been watching her.

I have just spoken to her briefly, she has just had physio, and says her shoulder and chest are very stiff, but the pain is more bearable.

Whatever you think of the foreign policy of our American government, take a second to reflect on how relatively safe we are in our own homes, compared to the rest of the world.

Happy Memorial Day!

Dogs

Well, just when you think your life has gotten as weird as it can, along comes something you never expected. This morning when Cathy went in to check on the girls, what to her wondering eye should appear but regurgitated panties...wait, what? That's right, one of our dogs, who had kind of been off her food for awhile, had barfed up a pair of parially-digested little-girl panties...now, I've seen dogs eat a lot of things: dead birds, plastic sunglasses, dental floss (which is pretty disgusting when it comes out the other end), but panties? They really are animals, no matter how much we regard them as "human family", and they remind you of that fact periodically.

Their World

As some of you know, Cathy works every other weekend nights, so I have the kids to myself. Today, I played "Polly Pockets" with Sara. She's so fun to watch...just to have a little window into her world. She gets words and facts wrong, but I don't dare correct her...not yet. She has her way of playing and the way things should be. I just sit there watching, hoping that I'm never the one to bring her little world crashing down to cruel reality. The wonder of her expressions and the things she comes up with...such an imagination. Today, I just had to stop and visit "Sara's world" for awhile.

Report from the Mid-Life Crisis Front

I have loved George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic since I was in high school. So, when I heard that they were playing the newly-opened House of Blues in Dallas. I ate at the restaurant, and met Dan Akroyd! I was feeling pretty cool, pretty smooth...a happenin' dude...then, I stood and danced for 4 hours at the concert...I could barely walk the next day. The concert was Thursday...it's Sunday...I'm still sore. I'm an adult now ouch!

One Scared Citizen

Now this is the kind of thing that will keep me awake at night!

My Funeral

It's probably weird to be planning my funeral now, and I'm not, really. I'm just planning the music. Anyone who knows me would know that music is the only part of my funeral that I would care about. It's not that I obsess about it or anything, but I've always been jealous of sports stars who get "introduction music" that plays as they take the field. They get to choose one song to represent them at that moment. If I were a sports star, I'd probably choose this song to take the field. But I'm not, and it looks pretty certain that I won't ever be. So, my version of that will be my funeral. I've thought about this since I was in high school (and those of you who knew me then, know that it would have been a really weird, loud, silly funeral). As I have grown, I have realized the gravity of the event for those who attend should preclude most silliness (funerals are not for the dead, after all). Anyway, I thought about stealing the opening sequence to the movie Big Chill ("You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones (can't find a link), but, as I got older, I thought about who would be there and how long it would have been since I saw them last and the message that I would want to leave them with...my last wish...and this would be it The beauty of this song is that the writer (Warren Zevon) knew that he was dying when he wrote it and that makes it all the more poignant...and I think the song kind of echoes what we all want after we die...to be remembered.
As for the rest of the funeral, it really doesn't matter to me. Whatever is easiest on the ones left to deal with my remains is fine. If everyone is graveside (or whatever) and there's a boombox there that plays that song, that's fine. Believe me, I started out with an entire funeral album of songs that I wanted...most of them entirely inappropriate for a funeral and some of them beyond bizarre; but I realized that it would fall on the ears of people that I love and respect and that a certain decorum was in order.
Well, that's what was on my mind this Saturday evening. I don't know if blogs count as wills or any sort of directive after you die, but there it is.

By the way, please add Cinco de Mayo to the days that you should avoid Wal-Mart if you can.

Doctors Reading X-rays (or not)

Long story short - I was in an accident back in Feb, and my left elbow has been hell ever since. VERY sore. I went and had X-rays done, but they were negative (x-rays always are, aren't they?...x-ray, negative...ha,ha?) Anyway, the pain was getting worse, so I asked them to do an MRI, which, they said, showed a possible ligament tear. Okay. Scheduled me with an Orthopedic surgeon (he's good, so it took a month to get in to see him). Meanwhile, I'm icing my elbow down and tried to rest it (those of you with children will know how well that worked out...). Finally, yesterday, I got in to see the Orth Surg. He points to a spot on my elbow on the MRI film and says, "Yeah, you've got a crack in the bone in your elbow". WHAT? Wouldn't that be pretty obvious to someone who reads these things for a living? Apparently not. Anyway, he shot some cortisone into the joint (and THAT was a joy), and wants to see me in a month to, "See if it worked"...how in the world do you go from "torn ligament" to "cracked bone"? Needless to say, it hurts more today than it did yesterday (which will happen if you shove a needle into the joint and shoot a thick liquid in there). He assures me that this will feel better soon. After all of that, I would hope so.

Blogging Made Easy

My Ideal Environment

I grew up in a very large city, Taipei, Taiwan. I am most comfortable in a large metropolis. I have spent time in Minneapolis and Denver, both fair-sized metropoli, but not quite my ideal living space. The only thing I've seen that comes close is in the movie Blade Runner
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I live where I do now (low-crime, good schools), but I can see myself moving into a high-rise apartment in the middle of downtown somewhere once the kids are grown.

Morning/Night Person

I am on the horns of a dilemma. I am, by nature, a night person. I have worked every night shift imaginable (6-6, 7-7, 12-12, 4-4) and am quite comfortable in the wee hours. Enter a management job...6:00am to 4:00pm...I had to start getting up early, so I couldn't stay up and enjoy the night except on weekends. Well, things have taken an unexpected turn. I've made such an effort to go to bed early on weeknights that the latest I can sleep on the weekends now is 8:00am. That wouldn't be so bad, but I'm starting to realize that the only time I will have to myself, when I'm not tired, is early in the morning. I had my alarm set for 6:30 this morning so that I can get our crew to church on time. Well, I awoke at 5:00am, started to go back to sleep, then got up anyway to have some alone-time. Is this a trend? Am I turning into a morning person? Help!

A Very Sad Day for Citizens of Planet Earth

Kurt Vonnegut
11 Nov 1922-11 Apr 2007

We've lost yet another great voice from the global conscience. Novelist, free-thinker, funnyman Kurt Vonnegut has passed away at age 84. He was, without a second thought, my favorite writer, and I will miss him. A lot of my own ideas and thoughts were shaped by reading his novels: thinly-disguised commentary on the human condition, masquerading as some of the most bizarre science fiction I've ever read. I'm just grateful that he left so much of himself behind in his writing, which I'm going back to re-read (and, as anyone who knows me will tell you, I don't re-read many books). A sad, sad day for me, indeed.

Snow in April

Yes, I went out today to get the mail, and what to my wondering eye should appear but...snow. Gotta love Texas in the spring.

p.s. Song going through my head..."Heat of the Moment" by Asia...which sounds remarkably like "Video Killed the Radio Star" by The Buggles...weird.

Those of you with small children...

...may understand. I'm sitting here, web-surfing away, checking the news, sports, whatever. The TV is on, and the Disney channel is blasting through my consciousness. As it continues to pound away, I start to wish I could just turn on some music or something, but the girls just started watching this show, so I try to shut it out. After awhile, it starts to get to me, and I turn to ask them to at least lower the volume...but no one is there. I am the only one in the room...I've been enduring this for awhile BY MYSELF! No problem. I go over and turn it off...quiet (except for the sounds of my kids having fun). No sooner have I sat back down to choose a more suitable soundtrack for my Friday morning, when I hear, "Why did you turn it off? We were watching that!"

Song going through my head: The Doodlebops theme song

A Fairly Quick Test

I like to find out what the answers I give to random questions say about me. To that end, here's a short (68 multiple choice) test to determine your personality type. Apparently, I am an Artist.

Quote for the Week

"The imitation of good faith is how you stumble upon hate"
- Jakob Dylan -

What song is going through my head?

For some unknown reason, the song, "Roses are Red" by Bobby Vinton, is going through my head...the really sad one, when he meets the girl later in life and says (well, almost cries), "Is that your little girl? She looks a lot like you...". That has got to be the saddest. To meet your unrequited teenage love later in life...or maybe I'm just more sentimental than I like to think...

Final Four

Check out Chuck Klosterman's blog on the Final Four on ESPN's website. I just love him!

Sunday Morning Comin' Down

I just noticed that my profile says I'm a Sagittarius...not always true. Nov 22 falls on the cusp between Scorpio and Sagittarius. No, I'm not into astrology, but I've always found that "cusp" thing interesting, especially since my sister Emily's birthday is on Jun 21 which also falls on the cusp between Gemini and Cancer. I say that they fall on the cusp because some charts list them as one, and some list them as the other. That said, I find it interesting that I never put what sign I was in my profile, nor did I want it posted...but there it is...and this is free...so I won't complain...much.
New Feature:
I'm going to start sharing with you either the song, or noise, that I'm hearing at the time of the post, or whatever song is going through my head (and there always is one). Right now, I'm listening to a band called, Jazz is Dead on finetune.com
They jazzify Grateful Dead songs, sort of like the band, Hayseed Dixie "bluegrasses" AC/DC and other rock/pop songs and Richard Cheese lounges pop tunes. I love alternate genre versions of rock/pop songs. Heck, sometimes it's the only way I ever figure out the words!
New topic! I have long suspected that the Mid Life Crisis that men go through also had a biological source...well, now I have proof! This article details the testosterone replacement therapy for men who have lost their libido, have no energy, etc...that explains everything!

Why blog?

I have spent the better part of this Saturday morning wondering what to say here. The kids are watching the Noggin channel/building a castle out of pillows/tending to the earthworms they collected after the rain yesterday...the list goes on...I'm listening to streaming audio from finetune.com
It's a site that lets you pick an artist and, based on your selection, plays a selection from that artist, followed by tunes from artists that someone somewhere thinks are similar to the artist you selected. It's an interesting idea. It lets you listen to music that you wouldn't ordinarily get to hear. It's especially helpful to me right now, as I am in somewhat of a musical rut.
Cathy, my lovely wife, is at a Mary Kay conference in Ft Worth for the weekend, so there's housework I need to get to, but I've always thrived on waiting until the last minute. I'm getting better about that, since that can get pretty tiring after awhile, and it tends to make you lazy the rest of the time. (Yikes! Lilo and Stitch just came on. While it does teach some good lessons about being different and treating those who are different, it's just kind of annoying to me. You'll be getting a lot of kid-show critique in this blog, since I end up watching entirely too much of it, and the only way I can deal with it is to critique it to death [and any of my family reading this is thinking, "You? Critique? Never..."])
I totaled my car ('94 Mitsubishi, falling apart anyway) a few weeks ago. I'm grateful for airbags, or I might still be in the hospital (or worse), but I messed up my elbow (tendon, ligament damage). I can't get in to see the Dr. until 30 April (!) That's the way it is in this town. If a physician is any good, word gets around and everyone goes to him (he's an osteo-surgeon of some sort). If you make a appt. with a Dr. in this town, and you get an appt within a week of calling, it's not good news. He's probably not that good.

I said all that to say, "My elbow hurts".

Well, this has effectively killed the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon (well, I did put in a load of laundry, so not all is lost). I can't think of anything else to add, so look for more posts later.